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Lemonade Instead

Lemonade Instead

A grief blog dedicated to remaining positive despite life's lemons

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Author: Amy Buckley

June 29, 2020June 30, 2020Amy Buckley

“Do you have any siblings?”

*Note before I begin: this post really relates to anyone grieving. Replace the “sibling” word with the relationship(s) you lost. I hope it resonates with everyone who has experienced loss. So now I can begin. “Do you have any siblings?” This question is asked so often in casual conversations, when first meeting someone, in classrooms […]

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June 18, 2020Amy Buckley

After the Funeral

Would you be surprised if I told you that the day after the funeral is harder on the griever than the actual funeral itself? Well, it’s true. For me, at least, and I presume most others as well. The day of the funeral is kind of like how grievers feel every day. They want to […]

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May 18, 2020May 31, 2020Amy Buckley

To the Man that Flipped Me Off

I went back to college (a different one that was in my hometown) approximately 8 months after I witnessed the death of my identical twin. It was a huge step. If you’ve read my post I Slept on My Parents’ Floor for Months, then you know this was big for me. It was August 2011 […]

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May 16, 2020May 21, 2020Amy Buckley

The “Wrong” Therapist

It was a few days after I witnessed the death of my identical twin sister when I found myself in the waiting room of a counseling center in my hometown. I had never been to a therapist before so I had no idea what to expect. I sat there in a fog in oversized sweatpants […]

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March 25, 2020May 21, 2020Amy Buckley

Grief and the Coronavirus

I began my deep, indescribably painful grief journey on January 9, 2011. A cold, horrific day that changed me forever. I view myself having two lives. One before this date and one after this date. The world continued to spin and the people continued to move about it. There was no coronavirus when I began […]

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March 16, 2020May 21, 2020Amy Buckley

I miscarried.

Before I begin: I want it to be known that I do not know what infertility is like nor do I know what it is like to lose a child in the second or third trimester. This post reflects my experience with pregnancy loss in the first trimester and what I learned from it. So […]

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March 4, 2020May 21, 2020Amy Buckley

5 Things to Say to Your Grieving Friend

I think it’s important to note before I begin that I don’t believe there is ever the “right” thing to say. I don’t think anything anyone has ever said to me has been “right.” Believe me, if there were the “right” words, I would be shouting them at the top of a mountain for everyone […]

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February 25, 2020May 21, 2020Amy Buckley

I Slept on My Parents’ Floor for Months

Yes, I was 20-years-old and sleeping on my parents’ floor. Okay, an ounce of a backstory real quick. The “first night” as a twinless twin, I slept between my parents in their queen size bed as a 20-year-old. And after that night, I slept on the floor at the foot of their bed for months. We […]

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February 12, 2020May 21, 2020Amy Buckley

Love Me or Leave Me

Basically these were the only two options my husband had when we first started dating just nearly eight months after I lost my other half: love me or leave me. It was one or the other. Love me or leave me. And nothing in between. I was broken, but not broken enough to know there […]

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February 4, 2020May 21, 2020Amy Buckley

It’s All About Me

That’s right. Me. Not you. Not your friend. Not your co-worker. Me. Okay, not really, but for a fraction of time, yes, all about me. Flash back to May 2011, just four months after I lost (what felt like) everything. I was sad, easily triggered, desperate to be “normal,” lonely, traumatized, and just simply going […]

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Lemonade Instead on Instagram

I see so much criticism day in and day out about our society and the current generation. When I open up this account each day, I’m prepared to see ALL things related to grief, which is great.
I’m still here 🙋🏻‍♀️ and I’m still pregnant🤰🏻😆 If you don’t keep up with my stories, you might not know that I’m considered to be a “high risk” pregnancy due to a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in my lung) after my first son’s birth so I’m on blood thinners (1 shot a day in abdomen then 2x a day last month of pregnancy). When people first find out, their initial reaction is typically, “wow that really sucks, I can’t imagine.” I typically reply with something like, “yeah but I would much rather this than the alternative.” (If you don’t know, PEs are deadly).
I asked you all for your struggles, advice, and situations relating to grief and sex/intimacy. They’re posted here.⬆️
When I first found this picture on my phone, I was so embarrassed. Almost ashamed. My 5-year-old son had taken it of me when I was closing my eyes while my 18-month-old napped.
💛🍋
This is important. In “early grief,” I couldn’t see outside of my own world, which is normal and doesn’t make me a bad person. We’re just not capable of it. But, now that I am, I’ve decided to share my thoughts on what I do see.
I edited this picture with a really crappy “background eraser” app.🤣 I’ve got lots of new stuff I’m working on while being a full-time ringmaster, I mean mom.🙃 So, as always, I’m thankful for your feedback and support along this journey. Since I haven’t done an intro in awhile, here it goes: ⬇️
This is how I felt in those “survival days.”
We had a special morning getting our littlest guy baptized. My twin and I were baptized in the same church. Always bittersweet, but thankful for the sweet.
NOT minimizing those who have lost a Valentine. Just giving the perspective of a sibling. Valentine’s Day can creep up on siblings when we might not even realize it. It can be hard to think about Valentine’s Day childhood memories and what “could’ve been” today. Who would their Valentine be? Would they have little Valentine’s too? And so many more unanswered questions.
I wrote and deleted 3 long captions then I decided I would just let this statement sit here without an explanation.
When life gives you 🍋s, animals can be so healing. But only get them (or more) when you’re ready to care for them.

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